Red White and BullS$%t - Interesting parallels of this election season

If you're a Democrat who has been in the Senate for two years, you are a Washington 'insider'.
If you're a Republican who has been in the Senate for 26 years, you are a Washington 'outsider'
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If you're white, win a beauty contest, attended 5-6 colleges before finally graduating , join the PTA, are voted to be mayor by 1000 people, govern a sparsely populated state for almost two years, and randomly get chosen at the last minute to be VP, you've 'lived the American dream '.
If you're black , raised by a single mother, lived on food stamps, help the community, get into Harvard, become the first black editor of the Harvard Law Review, and are voted the presidential nominee by millions of people, you are 'uppity'.
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If you live in an urban area and you get a girl pregnant, you're a 'baby daddy . '
If you're the same in Alaska, you're a 'teen father.'
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If you are born in the 50th state of the union and got a passport at birth, you are too 'cosmopolitan' and let the 'corruption of European ideals affect your judgment'.
If you grew up in the 49th state to enter the union, and never had a passport until 2007, you are a 'true patriot of America'.
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Black teen pregnancy? A 'crisis' in America.
White teen pregnancy? A 'blessed event'.
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If you grow up in Hawaii, you're 'exotic'.
If you grow up in Alaska, you're the quintessential 'American story'.
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If you think it's okay to shoot wolves from helicopters, you're just an average American hockey mom having some fun.
If you try to ensure those wolves are treated humanely, you are out of touch with the average American.
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If you name your kid ' Barack', you're 'unpatriotic'.
If you name your kid ' Track ', you're 'colorful'.
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A Democrat who doesn't fully vet a VP is 'reckless'.
A Republican who doesn't fully vet a VP is a 'maverick'.
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Get 18 million people to vote for you in a national presidential primary, you're a 'phony'.
Get 1000 people to vote you governor of the 47th most populous state in the Union, you're 'well loved'.
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If you manage a multi-million dollar nationwide campaign, you are an 'empty suit'.
If you are a part time mayor of a town of 7000 people, you are an 'experienced executive'.
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If you cheated on your first wife with an heiress, you're a Christian.
If you have been married to the same woman for 19 years, you're 'risky'.
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If you are black or biracial, America needs 2 years and countless speeches to 'get to know you'.
If you' re white, America needs 36 minutes and 38 seconds worth of an acceptance speech to know you're 'one of us'.
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If you give your wife a fist- tap on stage, it's a ' terrorist fist jab'.
If your daughter licks her palm so that she can slick down your youngest child 's hair on national TV it's an 'adorable moment'.
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If your pastor rails against inequality in the Unite d States of America, you're an 'extremist'.
If your pastor welcomes a sermon by Jews for Jesus, who preach that the killing of Jews by terrorists is a lesson to Jews that they must convert to Christianity, you' re a 'fundamentalist'.
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If you' re 18, white, and get a 16 year old girl pregnant ' life happens'.
If you' re 18, black, and impregnate a 16 year old girl, you're a ' registered sex offender'.
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If you're a Republican and you talk to America's enemies, it's ' diplomacy'.
If you're a Democrat and you talk to America's enemies, it's ' appeasement'.
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If you're a Republican you think women should vote for a female candidate because you share the same biology, regardless of her stand on issues.
If you're a Democrat and you vote for a woman who shares your ideology, you're 'playing the gender card'.
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If you're a Republican and are divorced once (Reagan, McCain) or twice (Giuliani, Gingrich, Limbaugh), you are a champion of Christian moral values.
If you're a Democrat and want to marry your gay partner, you are a threat to the institution of marriage.
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If you are a conservative and reveal that your son will be deployed on Sept. 11, but that is only the date of the deployment ceremony, you are the mother of a patriot who is doing the best to confuse the terrorists and protect the troops being sent over.
If you are a democrat and announce the same thing, you would be accused of pandering to the public and trying to garner public emotion through a lie.
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If you're a Republican and you don't wear a flag pin you're a 'maverick'.
If you're a Democrat and you don't wear a flag pin, you're 'unpatriotic'.
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If you're a Republican senator who solicits gay sex in an airport bathroom, you get to return to your job in the Senate and are encouraged to run for re-election.
If you're a Democratic Senator Having an affair, your political career is over and your wife who has terminal cancer is to blame.
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If Bush agrees to a set date of troops leaving Iraq it is called 'horizons'.
If Obama calls for a set date of troops to leave Iraq, with the blessing of the Iraq government , it is called 'timetables', 'endangering our troops', 'cut and run' and 'wanting to lose the war for political purposes'.
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If you spend 3 years as a community organizer growing your organization from a staff of 1 to 13 and your budget from $ 70,000 to $ 400,000, then become the first black President of the Harvard Law Review, create a voter registration drive that registers 150,000 new African American voters, spend 12 years as a Constitutional Law professor, then spend nearly 8 years as a State Senator representing a district with over 750,000 people, becoming chairman of the state Senate's Health and Human Services committee, then spend nearly 4 years in the United States Senate representing a state of nearly 13 million people, sponsoring 131 bills and serving on the Foreign Affairs, Environment and Public Works and Veteran's Affairs committees, you are 'woefully inexperienced'.
If you spend 4 years on the city council and 6 years as the Mayor of a town with less than 7,000 people, then spend 20 months as the Governor of a state with 650,000 people, then you are 'well qualified' to lead the nation.

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Late Breaking News: OBAMA PLAYS THE SPECIES-CARD BY USING A CLICHE... In a SPEECH!!!

Senator and Democratic Candidate for President, Barack Obama, Shocked the Nation with an outrageous and vicious insult hurled at Pig-Americans. The Obama campaign which has displayed incredible message discipline until this point can not be given the benefit of the doubt. By attacking Pig-Americans and referencing their inexplicable consistancy even when said Pig Americans are wearing lipstick, he attempted to fan the flames of anti-pig sentiment hoping for some political gain. The complicit audience members howled in approval thereby displaying their incredible Pig bias as well.

When asked to explain his tasteless and insensitive attempt to play the Species-card, Senator Obama attempted to distract the press with some pansy-ass reference to "ISHUUES",   whatever the hell that is...

Nice try Senator smart-ass... but we heard you loud and clear with all three both ears...

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Random idiocies of Glenn Beck

I was flipping through the channels today and caught a glimpse of my favorite distraction, Glenn Beck. He was talking about oil and the need to drill for more. As I stumbled onto CNN I heard him dismissing environmental concerns, stating that there was virtually no spillage of oil even during hurricanes Katrina and Rita.

His point was, since there was no spillage there was no risk, and since there was no risk there was no reason not to drill for more oil since drilling for more oil would 'presumably' reduce our gasoline prices.

The hole in Glenn "the thinker" Beck's logic was that if there was no spillage even during Katrina or Rita, then domestic supply or the lack thereof can not adequately explain the precipitous rise in Oil prices. And if the rise in prices did not come as a result of a lack of domestic supply, then "more drilling" is the answer to a different question. He was presenting 'more drilling' as a solution to a problem that 'too little drilling' did not cause.

After every thunderstorm, solar eclipse, superbowl, graduation ceremony, and/or rock concert, our gas prices have climbed and in every case we've been given some lame excuse about the threat to supply. However, the threat has never materialized. The supply has never been diminished. Yet the prices, which have climbed a quarter at a time, remain at nearly $4.00 a gallon and fall only a penny at a time, even when the supply remains constant.

The prices we pay for oil are NOT being driven by the basic rules of supply and demand so it can not be manipulated simply by increasing our domestic supply. There is a ghost in the machine; and arresting the rise of oil prices will require that we deal with it. Sticking oil platforms off the coasts of California, South Carolina, Maine, Texas, California, and Wasington may transfer oil profits from Tehran to Texas, but it will NOT strip them away from Texico...

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More late breaking news: McCain Flip-Flops on Family Values!

Just a short time ago, the press began reporting that Bristol Palin, the 17-year old daughter of Republican Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin, is pregnant.

When asked about the Palin pregnancy, and the "vetting" process that Oldey McSame used in choosing Sarah Palin, the McSame campaign responded by saying that not only did they already know about the pregnancy; they considered  it a non-issue.

TEEN PREGNANCY is now a NON-ISSUE?  W.T.F.?  It appears the Republican Party is 'evolving' pretty rapidly now-a-days.

Now the count is no advocate of teen pregnancy, nor am I an activist against it. I think that teen pregnancy leads to a number of societal issues and problems, but that horse has already left the barn... All across the country, communities great and small are already dealing with the issue and it's effects.  So I'm not posting this to say that Sarah Palin is wrong, or a bad person or anything like that... But after hearing the Republicans talk for years about social pathology as though it was some shit that the Democrats invented and unleased on society like a virus, it is fascinating to watch them parse and squirm whenever one of their own turns out to be... well... american.

The funny part is the fact that McSame DIDN'T properly vet Sarah Palin; because there wasn't enough time to get it done between the Democratic convention and the Republican convention. When McSame realized that O didn't nominate Clinton as his veep, he went scrambling to find a conservative woman that he could add to the ticket hoping that she'd get him the disaffected Hillary supporters. And now with the trooper-gate drip and the pregnancy drip, the McSame campaign may finally be forced to explain why they are suddenly for these major philosophical issues that they were once against.

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